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I was scrolling through my twitter feed earlier today and came across a tweet asking what do we love about star wars and at first I wanted to simpy retweet it with a comment, like you do, but it gotten a little out of hand and I realized that I want to tell a short story, the one from "how fandom helped me" variety.
Many of you probably know that I was abused by my partner in the past, and I talked about how Tolkien fandom and people I've met helped me in early stages of my recovery (and even before I fully realized what happened to me and that there is recovery ahead of me; maybe I should write about that too, but not today). In 2008 one of the friend from my Tolkien circle got into intense star wars phase (it wasn't his introduction into a fandom, he was just having that intense "omg I remebered how much I love it and it's great" phase) and it sparked similar phase in me. Most of my relationship was a time when I have put all my interests on hold, so it was almost like rediscovering something I loved long time ago. I've always been a person with stories in my head, long before I've heard about things like fandom and fanfiction, so this time such story started to appear in my head as well. Back then, I had no idea what this particular story is - it was a bit of self insert because who didn't do this, at times I tinkered around to see if I can make something to write from it, tried to make it less of self insert but eventually I didn't. This story stayed with me for a long time and eventually I've recognized it for what it was: a coping mechanism. After that I started to see in how many ways it helped me get through really dark moments, not only in regards to my relationship but other issues as well. I created safe space for myself to explore and understand things that happened to me, I gave my oc ways to cope and recover I didn't even knew I needed myself and it somehow helped me get better.
This story is still in my head. Some time ago, a friend asked me about it and if I plan to continue writing it (I posted few pages back when I thought of making something out of it). I don't, at least I don't think so. It's not truly interesting as a literary work as it is (especially that it's not, like, written: I just carry it inside of my brain, there are parts that are detailed, other that are not, there is no defined plotline, etc) and making it into one would means making it into something else, and it's very dear to me as it is. But I have made few artworks about it! (basically all my older star wars art are about it, tho physical apperance of my oc changed a bit since then; I want to do more when I have a time. There is also pinterest moodboard for it)
So I guess that's one of the things I love about star wars: that it gave me safe space when I really needed it.
Many of you probably know that I was abused by my partner in the past, and I talked about how Tolkien fandom and people I've met helped me in early stages of my recovery (and even before I fully realized what happened to me and that there is recovery ahead of me; maybe I should write about that too, but not today). In 2008 one of the friend from my Tolkien circle got into intense star wars phase (it wasn't his introduction into a fandom, he was just having that intense "omg I remebered how much I love it and it's great" phase) and it sparked similar phase in me. Most of my relationship was a time when I have put all my interests on hold, so it was almost like rediscovering something I loved long time ago. I've always been a person with stories in my head, long before I've heard about things like fandom and fanfiction, so this time such story started to appear in my head as well. Back then, I had no idea what this particular story is - it was a bit of self insert because who didn't do this, at times I tinkered around to see if I can make something to write from it, tried to make it less of self insert but eventually I didn't. This story stayed with me for a long time and eventually I've recognized it for what it was: a coping mechanism. After that I started to see in how many ways it helped me get through really dark moments, not only in regards to my relationship but other issues as well. I created safe space for myself to explore and understand things that happened to me, I gave my oc ways to cope and recover I didn't even knew I needed myself and it somehow helped me get better.
This story is still in my head. Some time ago, a friend asked me about it and if I plan to continue writing it (I posted few pages back when I thought of making something out of it). I don't, at least I don't think so. It's not truly interesting as a literary work as it is (especially that it's not, like, written: I just carry it inside of my brain, there are parts that are detailed, other that are not, there is no defined plotline, etc) and making it into one would means making it into something else, and it's very dear to me as it is. But I have made few artworks about it! (basically all my older star wars art are about it, tho physical apperance of my oc changed a bit since then; I want to do more when I have a time. There is also pinterest moodboard for it)
So I guess that's one of the things I love about star wars: that it gave me safe space when I really needed it.
